![do children die in the movie cooties do children die in the movie cooties](https://www.mrmovie-review.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/cooties-movie-poster-elijah-wood.jpg)
They bully one another without mercy (“If my butthole had a butthole it would look like you” might be my new go-to insult), flaunt their disrespect of anyone in authority and look to torment anyone and everyone within the site of their beady little eyes. Cooties brings pint sized carnage (though to be fair, most of the kids come up to Wood’s chest) to the screen, but part of the beauty of the film is the acknowledgement that these kids were little, monstrous shits long before they ate some Chicken McVirus nuggets. Before long the schoolyard has been converted to a bloodthirsty mob of flesh eating children who waste no time setting upon unsuspecting teachers and tearing them to pieces. The tainted nuggets cause a viral infection that only infects the prepubescent set. Before our pig tailed little angel even bites into the oozing pus filled nuggets, my stomach began to roil. By the way, kudos to the opening montage that pulls back the lid on exactly how those render nuggets get made in all its grisly, stomach turning fashion. The story calls for them to have some time for discussions, but really it just plays on the stereotypes of teachers, without really getting into anything real.Before the recess bell even has a chance to ring, a tainted chicken nugget brings about the end of the world. The characters all spend much time not doing anything. Then later, one of the zombie kids smashes them all, for no apparent reason.
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Cooties sets up a cell-phone free school, where all the phones get locked in the Principal’s office. One of the seemingly hardest things for modern-day horror films to do is to disconnect the characters from society, so that they don’t have access to information, or communications, or other support systems. What the adults have to worry about is being overrun by kids and torn apart. But the only people that can become zombies are the kids, adults need not worry about the infection. As a zombie film, it’s got some legs, creating zombies out of kids. While the premise of Cooties makes for a fun idea, and getting the creators of Glee and Saw to collaborate on the story is an interesting mash-up, the film is really a one-note sort of movie. “ You can’t eat the teachers, man!” – Wade The burn the place to the ground, and depart in Rick’s van for “someplace children don’t want to go.” Suddenly Wade bursts in, having survived the attacks in the playground (probably due to his football skills) and proceeds to spray the kids with a super-soaker filled with gasoline. Another group of children chase them into an indoor playground called Jump N Jammin, where they are surrounded by hungry youngsters.
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They see news reports on TV that large portions of the population are becoming infected and attacked. The group makes it to nearby Danville (thank God it’s not Fort Chicken!), but runs out of gas. After many brief encounters with the zombified children, the teachers make it to Wade’s truck (a dual rear-wheel behemoth), but Wade falls to the hordes of kids. The teachers gather weapons and plan to storm out of the building, but first need Clint and Lucy need to get some food for Calvin who is moving into a diabetic coma. Doug hypothesizes that the hormonal changes of puberty render the infection as a minor stomach-flu. The teachers and the two students are unaffected by the scratches they receive due to the fact that they have all passed puberty. Happy Poultry is anything but! What? Chicken butts.